The US Presidential Election Special

sparkler-839806_19204Today, millions of Americans will go to the polls and vote for the next President of the United States. A lot of people have called this election the craziest in American history, and in some ways they might be right. But unless Clinton dies before the day is up, or Trump loses and gets his revenge by shooting a Cabinet member, they’re forgetting about America’s long history of bizarre elections…

Election of 1800: The one that forced the constitution to change and eventually led to the murder of the nation’s first Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton. (And if you think some of the things the 2016 candidates have said are horrible, eventual president Thomas Jefferson spent the election calling his opponent John Adams a “hideous hermaphroditical character” and claiming Adams wanted to start a war with Napoleon’s France.)

Election of 1872: The one where the Democrat challenger lost the popular vote and died right before the electoral votes came in. He lost that as well, by 286 to 66.

Election of 1876: The one in which the Republicans lost the popular and the electoral vote but got into power anyway, which the Democrats let them get away with by forcing them to agree to a number of backroom deals. The Republicans were forced to remove federal troops from the southern states, thus allowing for the rise of the Solid South and Jim Crow laws.

Election of 1884: The one where the immoral, inept Republican candidate was proved to have been selling his Congressional influence to multiple businesses – and still almost beat his Democrat opponent. He fell just two states short.

Election of 1920: The one where the socialist candidate ran his whole campaign from prison after being arrested in 1918 for an anti-war speech. He won almost a million votes, the most the Socialist Party would ever receive.

So there you have it America. You may be under the impression that the current election is the weirdest or the worst the continent’s ever seen, but these quadrennial contests have often been like that. And compared to some elections, 2016 looks pretty tame.


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